(10-23-2012, 12:30 AM)Tusk Wrote:

(10-22-2012, 11:27 PM)midnightblues Wrote: When ya feel like talking but the words don't come when your dreams are dieing when your on the run. Just remember the Hales loves ya Baby>

Perhaps...
sometimes, I wonder why I'm doing this...
It started as a fun distraction,
It became a goal,
transformed into a minor obsession,
then an obligation...
now what is it?

I find myself questioning motivations, mine and others..
The purity of the initial discovery has been mudied by negativism and defensiveness....the joy and the passion has been dragged down by the sometimes pettiness that comes from that other side of the human condition.
I've become distracted....the 'why's' and 'for what's?" are no longer clear.
When it started, there was no 'reason', there was just the passion, the reaction to discovering something so pure, that gave me great joy that I felt the need to support, share and give back.
I still love this journey, but at this point, I admit to being a little dragged down by some of the 'characters' I have encountered.

I admit the recent negative experiences (including the TVline 'james' trolling incident) has made me feel targeted. I feel like I need to defend my 'fanhood', which I shouldn't have to, but the trasitory nature of the internet and internet blogging, my overthinker tendencies, put me on the defensive, having to justify myself, and I don't like feeling this way.

I want to return to the days when I didn't have to overthink my motivations, when the inspiration and posts came more easily and uninhibited. The negative experiences have had me question my own motivation and what I expect, and by doing that, I wonder if I am any different than those I have differing 'philosophies'/motivations with.

The snake has entered the garden, I have bitten of the apple and am now irrevocably 'self aware', and that makes it hard to return to Eden.....so to speak

Hopefully, this will pass.....

(10-23-2012, 02:30 PM)My Alter Ego Wrote: T-Man, while I'm not certain that I'd trust a man with certain identity issues (not long ago, Buzz informed me that I could refer to him as "Lord Buzz," now he's "Dr. Buzz" ), there may be value in his suggestion that you've been on quite the Haley high this past year, that culminated at Carnegie, and now you're experiencing the inevitable let down.

However, I think there is more to it than that, given your comments above. I'm guessing you're getting some grief again and while I can't apologize for what someone else is doing, I can empathize and wish you weren't going through this. You have been so kind and generous in sharing your experiences with us, it's unfortunate if that isn't being interpreted as it should be.

And on a final note, while you generally write well, when you are introspective, you write exceptionally well.

(10-24-2012, 05:28 AM)buzzenator Wrote: Miss MAE...I resemble those remarks

There is always some reality behind humor. Tusk really takes things to heart, whatever is said by others...classic over thinking syndrome. It could be the ghost of KennyPoo, aka Flask Man, that is tormenting Tusk right now...I'm not sure. Some people in order to feel good about themselves have to put others down. Tusk may be a lightning rod for these types.

"Everybody has a hot button. Who is pushing yours? While you probably cannot control that person, you CAN control the way you react to them." - Unknown

...easier said than done.

(10-30-2012, 04:36 PM)midnightblues Wrote: Hmmm, do Ya think Hales knows bout this Forum? and if so it would be great if she joined us. Ya think?? But than it could be the breading ground for Haley impostors.Tusk u mind if ask what OCD is?